Nothing Was the Same
by AnchorsOutAtSea
Summary: After the events of "The Winter Soldier", Steve Rogers is left wondering what became of his best friend Bucky Barnes. Will he be able to find Bucky? Or is the brain washed assassin better off as just a ghost?


Steve Rogers awoke in a panicked sweat. He sat up in bed. The only sound in his apartment was the pounding of his heart in his chest, and the rushing blood in his ears. He wiped the nape of his neck dry and inhaled deeply. Three months. It had been three months since Bucky, or what was left of him, saved his life. Steve had been spending everyday of these three months searching for some sign of the Winter Soldier…and spending every night losing sleep over him. Even with Sam Wilson's help these past months, there was no sign of Bucky. He had once again become a ghost.  
Steve stood up, pulling his sweat drenched shirt from his body. He looked over at the clock, and saw that it was only 5:39 in the morning. He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He had once again dreamed of Bucky falling from the train. Every night seemed to be the same. He either dreamed of Bucky falling to his death, or dreamed of Bucky being alive but having no clue who he was. Steve wasn't sure which nightmare was worse. Regardless, he knew there wasn't the slightest chance of him going back to sleep, but he also wasn't in the mood to go for a jog. In a fit of frustration, he decided to cave in and get a cup of coffee from the local twenty four hour coffee shop.  
With his head down and his hands in his pockets, Steve wasn't really paying attention to walking to the coffee shop. His feet carried him while his brain was running a million miles per hour. If he could just find Bucky, he knew he would be able to get him to remember who he was… but his thoughts were interrupted as he felt a body slam against his. Slightly dazed, he looked up to see his feet had managed to bring him to his destination, and in the process walked him straight into a young woman. She gave him an irritated glance and reached down to pick up the papers that had flown out of her hand.  
"Oh…I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking…here, let me help you." He muttered, reaching down to help her pick up the scattered papers. He handed them to her, and noticed the papers weren't the only thing he had knocked out of her hand. Her shirt was covered in coffee. "Oh man, I'm really glad you drink iced coffee." Steve said in utter embarrassment. The girl just nodded, holding her papers in one hand, and using a napkin the try and clean up her shirt with the other. "Let me buy you another coffee. It's the least I could do." He pleaded.  
She finally met his gaze and replied "You know, normally I would decline. And I would've probably said some things I wouldn't have been too proud to hear come out of my mouth. But today is going to be a _really_ long day, and I could really use the caffeine." Steve shrugged his shoulders and forced a smile. "I'm Tessa. Tessa Redding." She said, her eyes softening.  
"Steve Rogers. Are you always this pleasant, Tessa?" He shot her a teasing smile. Then he couldn't help but chuckle slightly as a look of realization washed across her face at hearing his name. "Here, let me." Steve opened the coffee shop door for her. She walked past him, throwing her napkin in the trashcan as she entered the building. Steve followed her inside, completely shocked by the fact that the coffee shop was actually pretty busy for these early hours. "Is it always this busy?" He asked, watching Tessa organizing her paperwork.  
"At this time of day? Oh yeah. You're currently in the presence of both the insomnia crowd, and the early workers. This is when all the interesting people come out." Tessa replied, smirking.  
Steve sighed and dropped his head, still feeling embarrassed. "Listen, I really am sorry about running into you, Tessa. I should've been paying attention to where I was going. I just have a lot on my mind."  
"I'd imagine so….Captain America." Tessa laughed. "I'm sorry for being so rude. I guess we're on the same boat, I have a lot on my mind too." Steve sighed in slight relief, but things were still feeling awkward. They both inched forward in line, and Steve looked up at the menu board behind the register. He furrowed his eyebrows. Things use to be so much simpler. Coffee was just coffee. Now there were all these flavors and brands and variations. "It's really overwhelming, isn't it?" Tessa asked, catching him eyeing the board. Before he could respond, she continued. "I'm not just saying that because you're, well you. I know how you feel though. I came from a really small town in the south. When I first moved to New York, everything was so overwhelming. Including the coffee shops. Where I lived, the closest coffee shop was two towns over. And there was nowhere near this kind of variety. For the longest time I just thought coffee was coffee, you know?" Steve glanced over at Tessa, knowing the appreciation was showing on his face. It was nice for him to actually be able to relate to someone.  
"You have no idea how right you are." He sighed. "So which are you?" Tessa looked at him, confused. "Are you in the insomniac crowd, or the early worker crowd?"  
"A little of both actually. I wasn't able to sleep. So I decided to get started on the day." She shook her handful of paper in reference. It was finally their turn in line. Steve ordered a black coffee with some sugar and cream on the side, and then let Tessa order her caramel iced coffee. Steve stood there awkwardly, making Tessa laugh. "Would you like some company with that coffee, Mr. Rogers?"  
"Only if you call me Steve." He chuckled. They made their way over to a quiet table in the corner of the coffee shop. Tessa tossed her papers on the table, cradling her coffee in both hands. "So, uh, what's with all the paperwork? Are you in school?" He asked, cringing at how bad he was at small talk with someone he didn't know. Tessa face changed, a fleeting look of embarrassment coming across her face.  
"Um, not exactly… I'm a psychologist. I'm currently writing some theories on memory loss." Steve was immediately intrigued because of Bucky. Seeing his interest, Tessa continued. "The human mind is incredible in so many ways. But sometimes it seems to fall a little short. Memory can be so fleeting, and we still seem to know so little about preserving it. I'm trying to change that."  
"That's incredible. So could you... could you help someone regain certain memories?"  
"Preventing memory loss is a lot easier than trying to bring back memories once their forgotten. But in certain circumstances things like hypnosis have helped people recall their memories. Sometimes it's just not the ones they want to remember."  
"Oh?"  
"Well, like I said. The human mind is simply incredible. There are instances where something traumatic happens to someone, and their brain kind of 'deletes' the memory because it knows the person can't psychologically handle it. This is often something the person wouldn't want to remember in the first place...but how awful would it be to know you can't remember something, but you just can't wrap your head around what it is?"  
"Yeah...it has to be awful..." The feeling that washed over Steve's entire body almost made him sick. Even though Bucky had originally tried to kill him, he felt sorry for him. Bucky had never asked for any of this.  
Enough time had passed for the sun to start peeking in through the coffee shop window next to their table. Steve was so deep in thought that it was really the first time he had even absorbed what Tessa looked like. The sunshine was bouncing off of her beautiful dirty blonde hair, accenting it's natural copper and chestnut highlights. It fell halfway down her back in a cascade of layers, while her bangs rested on her forehead, pushed to the right. She took a sip of her coffee and peered at him with her emerald eyes piercing through a thick, long layer of eyelashes. Her makeup was beautifully done, despite her pale, almost ghost-like complexion. Her pouting lips were stained a delicate pink while her eyes were done up with perfectly asymmetrical eyeliner, only causing her eyes to pop even more. She caught him staring and a little smirk played across her lips. Steve couldn't ignore her beautiful, even in a white button up stained in coffee.  
"Tessa... how would you like it if I took you out sometime?"


End file.
